First a warning. I know when people tell me scary, horrible things that have happened to their kids it freaks me out. I will think of it happening to my girls and I can't stop till I become a paranoid freak. If this is you, please don't read this.
Anyone with kids knows how much they love wearing their parents things. This is especially true of little girls with their mother's clothes. Ari is no exception. She loves my shoes, dresses, shirts. Even my bras. Her latest article of mine is my black scarf. It is a scarf fit for a princess. It is sheer and gauzy with fringe at the end. And it is long. So very, very long. Today we were heading over to a friends house. She asked if she could wear it. I saw no problem with this. Told her to be careful on the stairs as it was trailing on the floor and I didn't want her to slip. Also we had the car today, not the van. We start getting loaded into the car. Ari has finally reached the age where she can not only buckle herself in, but she can shut the car door also. So she does her thing while I get Kira in. I look over and see that she is buckled up and away we go.
So get over to our friends house and I go to pull up to the curb. I pull to far forward and I start to reverse. Next thing I hear is Ari crying in the back seat. I look back and ask her what's wrong "It's pulling on me." It looks as though she is pointing to the seat belt. I figure the locking mechanism got activated and start to reverse some more. Now I hear an even louder scream. I look back and she is bent sideways sobbing. There is nothing but fear in her eyes. My mom instincts kick in. I immediately stop, put on the parking break. I don't even put it in neutral, just let my foot off the clutch. I jump out of the car (which is still sticking out into the street) and run around to Ari's side. Before I open the door I see it. I see that beautiful scarf she is in love with. The one wrapped around her neck. I see it starting to get wrapped into the wheel well of the back tire. My heart stopped. I threw open the door, and pulled it off of her and the tire. I grabbed her and just held her there. She was crying so hard. I just sat there holding her. All I was imagining that in the 5 mile drive there, what if it had gotten tangled sooner. When I was going 35 miles an hour and not just a couple inches. What if, what if, what if....
We are home now. She is happily eating a hotdog and watching Fern Gully. I just keep looking at her. She doesn't even know that I almost lost her today. There is a horrible looking red mark around her neck from the scarf. That scarf. It is sitting on the floor boards of the car. I told her she wasn't allowed to wear it anymore. I will probably throw it away. I don't think I can ever wear it again. Hell, might even burn it in the fire place. *sigh* what if...
Thursday, November 10, 2011
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Why I don't wanna live on this planet anymore
The current generation of youth scare the hell out of me. And I think when they get old enough to actually be in charge of things, I may just kill myself. Here are my top 10 reasons why.
1. They think Justin Bieber is actually a good musician (this alone is enough to make me weep each night for the fate of the world)
2. That when asked a very important question through email, text, or FB you get the resulting IDK LOL!!! as an answer...
3. That young girls think that acting obnoxiously stupid is an attractive quality, and that it actually is, is very, very scary and sad.
4. That their relationship status changes at least once a week, and it always is either "I am so in love!!!!" or "My heart is broken but I won't become hard to this world"
5. They can't spell even simple words. And when this is pointed out to them they laugh it off (please refer to item number 3. This seems to explain it)
6. They all seem to think that they have the worst lives that ever existed and that no body has ever suffered like they have. Usually this is announced when something happens along the lines of "Got in trouble for not doing something I was suppose to" "Phone broke" "I was completely irresponsible and stupid but I still don't see why I have I have to suffer the consequences for it"
7. They have an obsession with name brand things. They will complain they are broke, poor, and can't pay their bills but then will proudly show off one item that probably cost more than my electric bill, just because it is a certain brand.
8. They show no interest in learning about things older than them. They have the entire internet at their finger tips, but when you reference something from before they are born, they say something along the lines of "Well how am I suppose to know that, I wasn't born yet"
9. They will add "LOL" to the end of the last statement.
10. Each and every young person I know that reads this will assume I am talking specifically about them. But instead of maybe taking some of it to heart, they will become extremely offended and think I am a horrible mean hearted person.
1. They think Justin Bieber is actually a good musician (this alone is enough to make me weep each night for the fate of the world)
2. That when asked a very important question through email, text, or FB you get the resulting IDK LOL!!! as an answer...
3. That young girls think that acting obnoxiously stupid is an attractive quality, and that it actually is, is very, very scary and sad.
4. That their relationship status changes at least once a week, and it always is either "I am so in love!!!!" or "My heart is broken but I won't become hard to this world"
5. They can't spell even simple words. And when this is pointed out to them they laugh it off (please refer to item number 3. This seems to explain it)
6. They all seem to think that they have the worst lives that ever existed and that no body has ever suffered like they have. Usually this is announced when something happens along the lines of "Got in trouble for not doing something I was suppose to" "Phone broke" "I was completely irresponsible and stupid but I still don't see why I have I have to suffer the consequences for it"
7. They have an obsession with name brand things. They will complain they are broke, poor, and can't pay their bills but then will proudly show off one item that probably cost more than my electric bill, just because it is a certain brand.
8. They show no interest in learning about things older than them. They have the entire internet at their finger tips, but when you reference something from before they are born, they say something along the lines of "Well how am I suppose to know that, I wasn't born yet"
9. They will add "LOL" to the end of the last statement.
10. Each and every young person I know that reads this will assume I am talking specifically about them. But instead of maybe taking some of it to heart, they will become extremely offended and think I am a horrible mean hearted person.
Sunday, August 14, 2011
10 signs you are married to a nerd
For an upcoming post I am working on. And all these things do apply to me!!
1. They think saying "Engage" when you ask if they are ready to go is the best joke ever.
2. They get really excited when they hear someone talking about "The Doctor" then get really disappointed when they realize you are actually talking about a real medical doctor.
3. The word Ferengi has come up in bed...multiple times.
4. They own more gaming systems than kitchen appliances.
5. The release of a new book by their favorite author causes them to hyperventilate. (Only if it is Scifi/fantasy of course)
6. They are convinced their baby just said something in Klingon. (for me I swore Kira said "Kapla")
7. Final Fantasy anything, and I mean anything, is the best gift ever!!!
8. They think baby's heartbeat in the womb sounds like a warp core.
9. They have used the phrase "I want to run a level three diagnostic" to get you in the mood.
10. They swore that the shower head sounded just like the Tardis and spent the rest of the day looking for a blue police box.
1. They think saying "Engage" when you ask if they are ready to go is the best joke ever.
2. They get really excited when they hear someone talking about "The Doctor" then get really disappointed when they realize you are actually talking about a real medical doctor.
3. The word Ferengi has come up in bed...multiple times.
4. They own more gaming systems than kitchen appliances.
5. The release of a new book by their favorite author causes them to hyperventilate. (Only if it is Scifi/fantasy of course)
6. They are convinced their baby just said something in Klingon. (for me I swore Kira said "Kapla")
7. Final Fantasy anything, and I mean anything, is the best gift ever!!!
8. They think baby's heartbeat in the womb sounds like a warp core.
9. They have used the phrase "I want to run a level three diagnostic" to get you in the mood.
10. They swore that the shower head sounded just like the Tardis and spent the rest of the day looking for a blue police box.
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes
Life is all about change. Change is inevitable. And for the most part, I like change. But change also disrupts your life. Especially when you have small children. This last month has been full of change. We started small. We wanted to move Ari into a big girl bed so we could have the crib for Kira. Well, instead of a simple bed, I found bunk beds for the same price. Long term, I saw this as a good investment. Well. after getting the bunk beds, I realized that after you put a set of bunk beds up and the crib in the girls room, there was no room left for toys. Long story short, Michael and I now have our bedroom in the family room downstairs, our old room is the play room/guest bedroom, and Kira still sleeps in the pac n play but at least in the separate room in the basement.
And now the big change. Pre-school. No, we aren't enrolling. We just don't have the money at this point. No I am going to home school. Unfortunately this means I have to change a lot of our daily habits. Big one is me getting up in the morning. Usually I don't have to roll our of bed till around 8:30 (I know, so spoiled) and I don't go to bed till midnight. Then we poke around all morning and get nothing done. This is not going to fly. I need a schedule. I hate that word by the way. So starting next week I am going to start waking up at 6, going to the gym, getting my quiet time in. Have the girls wake up around 8. Eat breakfast as a family and start school around 9:30 and end around 11:30. Also going to have to start going to bed early myself...:P I think this is going to be harder on me than the girls. Waking up early is not my thing, or getting myself going for that matter.
So any pointers from anyone. Not only in me getting up and getting going but how do I break up a 2 hour school day for Ari. For putting my family on a strict schedule they have never had to follow before. (Michael is so getting up with me. I am not doing it alone!!!) And just to teach Ari that for these 2 hours, they are different and separate?
After typing this I am trying to figure out why I decided to write on two separate things. Does rearranging my house and starting school really have anything to do with each other. Not really. Do beds, cribs and school really fall in the same category. Nope. But I think the thing is, that when you have kids, you have to change and be willing to change. And all your carefully laid out plans really mean nothing. When I bought the bunk bed, I never thought it would result with us sleeping in the basement. And I never thought that Ari finally being able to start school would have to completely change the way we function in our daily lives. I think we will live though, as long as the coffee doesn't run out. :)
And now the big change. Pre-school. No, we aren't enrolling. We just don't have the money at this point. No I am going to home school. Unfortunately this means I have to change a lot of our daily habits. Big one is me getting up in the morning. Usually I don't have to roll our of bed till around 8:30 (I know, so spoiled) and I don't go to bed till midnight. Then we poke around all morning and get nothing done. This is not going to fly. I need a schedule. I hate that word by the way. So starting next week I am going to start waking up at 6, going to the gym, getting my quiet time in. Have the girls wake up around 8. Eat breakfast as a family and start school around 9:30 and end around 11:30. Also going to have to start going to bed early myself...:P I think this is going to be harder on me than the girls. Waking up early is not my thing, or getting myself going for that matter.
So any pointers from anyone. Not only in me getting up and getting going but how do I break up a 2 hour school day for Ari. For putting my family on a strict schedule they have never had to follow before. (Michael is so getting up with me. I am not doing it alone!!!) And just to teach Ari that for these 2 hours, they are different and separate?
After typing this I am trying to figure out why I decided to write on two separate things. Does rearranging my house and starting school really have anything to do with each other. Not really. Do beds, cribs and school really fall in the same category. Nope. But I think the thing is, that when you have kids, you have to change and be willing to change. And all your carefully laid out plans really mean nothing. When I bought the bunk bed, I never thought it would result with us sleeping in the basement. And I never thought that Ari finally being able to start school would have to completely change the way we function in our daily lives. I think we will live though, as long as the coffee doesn't run out. :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
How Tony got her groove back
When most people think about people going off and finding themselves they usually think of people going to some spiritual retreat or far off island. I, on the other hand, go back to the town I spent 18 years in and had sworn I was never going back to. Yes, I found myself in Salina. (When I told my sister I had rediscovered who I am, she promptly said in disbelief "In Salina?")Many of you have been reading my post know that I have been working through some issues. Most of them relating to mommyhood and wifedom (I just created words) But this weekend, between way too much beer, good coffee and some good friend advice, I found some valuable truths about myself that I had forgotten.
The fist truth is the biggest. Though I will always be a mother and a wife, those two things do not define who I am. Don't get me wrong, they play a huge part of my life, but they should never define my life. My worth and who I am does not come from either.
The second truth is going to cause a lot of controversy and I really don't care if people agree with me or not. It's that the church has done me and many woman like me, a huge injustice. Painting the picture of the good wife and mother as a humble, quiet woman. Never pushing her husband too far, and to be patient and always forgiving. That I should be self sacrificing and in this way I am serving my husband and serving the lord. This is a bunch of BS by the way. I will get to that in a minute.
The third and final truth I learned is just remembering who I am at all times. The woman that my husband fell in love with was a passionate woman who faced any challenge head on. She breezed by him when he was collecting cover at a local music hang out like she owned the place. Didn't even give him a second look. After a minute of being bored I walked to the back to go find my brother in law (who did partially own it) When my husband finally got the nerve to talk to me, we stayed up all night talking but was still to shy to ask me out. Over the next 3 days, to get my point I liked him, I made him clean dirt off my pants after I sat down, (this required him touching my butt) and purposely made him put his arm around me because I was "cold"
I am not humble or quiet. I brag about what I am good at. When I speak, I am listened too. And if you ignore me, I will get your attention. When I walk into a room, I expect to be looked at and noticed. My word in my home is law and will not be argued with. I am passionate about what I love and I face my fears. I am terrified of heights but have gone repelling off giant towers. I hate needles but have gotten a tattoo. I love thunderstorms and dancing in the rain. I love adventure and the unknown. I am spontaneous, carefree, and disorganized. I lose track of time and will always put talking with friends over everything else. I don't have many friends, but the ones I have I love with all my heart and will fight for them and with them. But most of all, I am passionate about my family. My kids and my husband. I will fight for both. I will not stand by as things and this world try to take that away from me.
So where does this leave me, well for one I am buying my first pair of shorts (ok skort) in the first time in years. The world is going to see my legs and you all just better deal with it. (And you will like it too) I got a whole bunch of books and I am not going to let some 18 year old boy beat me at my own video game :) And, last but not least, I am going to take up guitar.
The fist truth is the biggest. Though I will always be a mother and a wife, those two things do not define who I am. Don't get me wrong, they play a huge part of my life, but they should never define my life. My worth and who I am does not come from either.
The second truth is going to cause a lot of controversy and I really don't care if people agree with me or not. It's that the church has done me and many woman like me, a huge injustice. Painting the picture of the good wife and mother as a humble, quiet woman. Never pushing her husband too far, and to be patient and always forgiving. That I should be self sacrificing and in this way I am serving my husband and serving the lord. This is a bunch of BS by the way. I will get to that in a minute.
The third and final truth I learned is just remembering who I am at all times. The woman that my husband fell in love with was a passionate woman who faced any challenge head on. She breezed by him when he was collecting cover at a local music hang out like she owned the place. Didn't even give him a second look. After a minute of being bored I walked to the back to go find my brother in law (who did partially own it) When my husband finally got the nerve to talk to me, we stayed up all night talking but was still to shy to ask me out. Over the next 3 days, to get my point I liked him, I made him clean dirt off my pants after I sat down, (this required him touching my butt) and purposely made him put his arm around me because I was "cold"
I am not humble or quiet. I brag about what I am good at. When I speak, I am listened too. And if you ignore me, I will get your attention. When I walk into a room, I expect to be looked at and noticed. My word in my home is law and will not be argued with. I am passionate about what I love and I face my fears. I am terrified of heights but have gone repelling off giant towers. I hate needles but have gotten a tattoo. I love thunderstorms and dancing in the rain. I love adventure and the unknown. I am spontaneous, carefree, and disorganized. I lose track of time and will always put talking with friends over everything else. I don't have many friends, but the ones I have I love with all my heart and will fight for them and with them. But most of all, I am passionate about my family. My kids and my husband. I will fight for both. I will not stand by as things and this world try to take that away from me.
So where does this leave me, well for one I am buying my first pair of shorts (ok skort) in the first time in years. The world is going to see my legs and you all just better deal with it. (And you will like it too) I got a whole bunch of books and I am not going to let some 18 year old boy beat me at my own video game :) And, last but not least, I am going to take up guitar.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
5 Reasons Why we Love Dad (from the kids)
1. He doesn't know the rules so you can always get away with more when he is around.
2. You get to fly with daddy. And we aren't talking figuratively either. We mean flying through the air, onto the couch, on his feet. Whatever makes mom gasp and hold her chest like she is in pain, we love.
3. Riding on his shoulders so we actually can see in a crowd. His shoulders are the best seat in the house.
4. You always get to stay up past your bedtime. If you get playing hard enough, Dad never pays attention to the clock.
5. Dad and Saturday mornings go hand in hand. Mom would never let us sit and watch cartoons till our brains melted, but Saturday mornings are reserved just for that, in our PJ's, on Daddy's lap.
2. You get to fly with daddy. And we aren't talking figuratively either. We mean flying through the air, onto the couch, on his feet. Whatever makes mom gasp and hold her chest like she is in pain, we love.
3. Riding on his shoulders so we actually can see in a crowd. His shoulders are the best seat in the house.
4. You always get to stay up past your bedtime. If you get playing hard enough, Dad never pays attention to the clock.
5. Dad and Saturday mornings go hand in hand. Mom would never let us sit and watch cartoons till our brains melted, but Saturday mornings are reserved just for that, in our PJ's, on Daddy's lap.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
It's only natural...
I have to give a disclaimer on this post. This post is about sex. If you are uncomfortable with that subject, you really should stop reading.If you don't want to know about my sex life (or lack there of) stop reading. If you still believe that babies are made in a magic fairy land then delivered by some flying, giant bird...stop reading. But if you are able to realize that people have sex, and most likely judging form two offspring I have produced that at some point I have had sex, then you can read on. Even though sex and kids go hand and hand, one is not always conducive to the other. While more sex can mean more kids, rarely does more kids lead to more sex. (If you have experienced otherwise, you need to share your secret to all, or just share what pills you are on.) Before kids, I remember lazy Saturdays that we didn't get out of bed till noon (or later) This would be after a fun filled Friday night. And then even some more fun that evening, (or the shower, or after the shower, or while trying to get dressed...you get the picture)Just you and the hubs. Not fast forward to 2 kids later and Fridays are filled with trying to get the baby down before midnight. And if you accomplish this feat, it ends with you just passing out from pure exhaustion, only to be woken up all during the night by someone who just wants to suck on your boobs (and it's not your husband)Then Saturday is reserved for family fun time. And if, by some miracle, you have any energy Saturday night to try to have sex, someone always wakes up right at the exact wrong moment. Before kids, Michael going back to work on his lunch break with either a different shirt, or his shirt on inside out meant a little afternoon fun and may have won him some knowing winks from co workers. Now, it only means he got spit up on, peed on, or pooped on.
It also can take a lot of fun out of sex. It would not be uncommon to hear this conversation in a house with kids. "Kids down? Yup, ready? Yup, hey remind me to throw a load of clothes in after. *a minute or so goes by while you try to be romantic or get in the mood* Crap is that one of them waking up? I think so, lets just get this over with then you can grab the laundry and I will get the kid." Not exactly a scene from a romance novel, is it?
So why this wonderful glimpse into my love life? Because sex with kids can be fun too. For one, I co sleep with Kira (ok not really but her bassinet is right next to the bed. I mean, it's touching the bed) so this makes getting creative about where sex takes place as we don't have a bedroom (it may help not to think about this too much if you come over to my house) Also, you have to be quiet. Can't wake up the kids. This usually leads to lots of giggling as you are tripping around your house in the dark, naked. (just don't step on a lego, totally kills the mood) You learn to be spontaneous and seize the moment. And it can even get you out of chores. If by some miracle the kids are both asleep on a Saturday afternoon, you can usually convince your husband that there are better things to do than clean the kitchen or laundry (though he can remind you after) :)
It also can take a lot of fun out of sex. It would not be uncommon to hear this conversation in a house with kids. "Kids down? Yup, ready? Yup, hey remind me to throw a load of clothes in after. *a minute or so goes by while you try to be romantic or get in the mood* Crap is that one of them waking up? I think so, lets just get this over with then you can grab the laundry and I will get the kid." Not exactly a scene from a romance novel, is it?
So why this wonderful glimpse into my love life? Because sex with kids can be fun too. For one, I co sleep with Kira (ok not really but her bassinet is right next to the bed. I mean, it's touching the bed) so this makes getting creative about where sex takes place as we don't have a bedroom (it may help not to think about this too much if you come over to my house) Also, you have to be quiet. Can't wake up the kids. This usually leads to lots of giggling as you are tripping around your house in the dark, naked. (just don't step on a lego, totally kills the mood) You learn to be spontaneous and seize the moment. And it can even get you out of chores. If by some miracle the kids are both asleep on a Saturday afternoon, you can usually convince your husband that there are better things to do than clean the kitchen or laundry (though he can remind you after) :)
Wednesday, June 8, 2011
Human Connection
I have decided to take a break from FB and twitter. I'm not sure if it will help or make me feel worse but I need...something. I have been finding myself making desperate attempts for human connection through both of those medias but it always falls short. In the last few months I have hit a rock bottom in my life that I don't know how to get out of. All day long I have the girls with me and when Michael gets home he helps and even takes over so I can get away. But I don't know where I want to go. I feel such a disconnection with life and the people around that I am beginning to feel like I am living some dream. The disconnected sleep I get at night on top of the stress of the everyday makes everything roll into one. And the 2 people I usually share my soul with are having their own problems. One just had a baby herself and is feeling much like I feel though in a different way and the other is having family problems too. And of course connecting with Michael lately is impossible. One of us always has one of the girls. The times we used to connect at night are gone. Kira doesn't go to sleep til midnight or later. Michael leaves for work before I am up, lunches with him are quick, if at all and after Michael gets home, I either have somewhere to go or he does. And the rare evenings we get together are pure craziness. So I sit alone all day, with 2 children who drive me nuts. I love them with all my heart. When I question my life with them, I cry at the thought of not having them, but then cry at the thought of them being with me.
So my response to this is to post my thoughts and feelings on FB or Twitter. But, trying to sum up the emotions of my heart in 440 characters or less was very hard :). And the responses I got never filled the emotional void I am feeling. I think I almost became like a crack addict, posting my thoughts and then waiting for the emotional high that each response gave me, then I would be just as let down over how quickly the high left. It left me wanting to post more to get more comments. Sick, I know. But the emotional emptiness I feel is that wide. So I am stepping back, even though at this moment, I am itching to post something, anything. Human connection. And even as I reread this post I see what I am showing of my soul and wonder if I am sharing too much, I can't stop. My life at the moment, I feel this is the only way to get out to the world how I feel. And though I desperately want the comments, to know someone is reading this, I also fear it. That someone, somewhere is knowing how much I hurt, and how much I am falling short, unable to cope with motherhood.
So my response to this is to post my thoughts and feelings on FB or Twitter. But, trying to sum up the emotions of my heart in 440 characters or less was very hard :). And the responses I got never filled the emotional void I am feeling. I think I almost became like a crack addict, posting my thoughts and then waiting for the emotional high that each response gave me, then I would be just as let down over how quickly the high left. It left me wanting to post more to get more comments. Sick, I know. But the emotional emptiness I feel is that wide. So I am stepping back, even though at this moment, I am itching to post something, anything. Human connection. And even as I reread this post I see what I am showing of my soul and wonder if I am sharing too much, I can't stop. My life at the moment, I feel this is the only way to get out to the world how I feel. And though I desperately want the comments, to know someone is reading this, I also fear it. That someone, somewhere is knowing how much I hurt, and how much I am falling short, unable to cope with motherhood.
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Tips on painting
Ok so I am a smart woman. I can rebuild an engine, play multiple musical instruments, and I gave birth so at this point in my life I am pretty confident I can do anything. So I decided to paint my kitchen cabinets by myself, no prob. I have painted before. Well today I learned a few things. Here they are.
1. the blue painters tape does NOT stick to ANYTHING. Unless of course is curls up and then it sticks to itself so you can't unravel it.
2. No matter how many drop clothes you lay down you will drip paint on the floor. And since it dripped in a spot you didn't think it would you will not notice until you step in it and walk all around the house and get footprints everywhere.
3.Do not, under any circumstances, scratch your nose while holding the paint brush. you will paint your head.
4. Always paint top to bottom or you will end up leaning against something you just painted.
5. Ignore lesson 4 if you are doing the underside of the upper cabinets. You will end up hitting your head on the door you left open to dry.
6. Lock up all animals. They will step in you paint tray and make a mess. If you put up a gate that will only stop the dog. Your ever so graceful cats will jump it, and somehow trip at the top (even though you have used this gate for over a year) and fall into the cabinet you just painted.
7. Again lock up all animals. The cats will think that since you are on the floor that you want to pet them. If you continue to ignore them they will rub up again the cabinet you just painted and start to look like that cat from pepe le pu.
8. Take off the hardware from the cabinets before you start painting. It seems obvious but you forget, then you think "hey if I am careful it will be ok" It will never be ok
9. Never drink while painting. You can always tell where you started drinking and at what point when you had too much.
10. If you ignore lessons 1 thru 8 go ahead and ignore 9 so you don't care at the end.
11. Have your husband do it. That's why you got married. And while he learns lessons 1-9 you can just go ahead to lesson 10.
1. the blue painters tape does NOT stick to ANYTHING. Unless of course is curls up and then it sticks to itself so you can't unravel it.
2. No matter how many drop clothes you lay down you will drip paint on the floor. And since it dripped in a spot you didn't think it would you will not notice until you step in it and walk all around the house and get footprints everywhere.
3.Do not, under any circumstances, scratch your nose while holding the paint brush. you will paint your head.
4. Always paint top to bottom or you will end up leaning against something you just painted.
5. Ignore lesson 4 if you are doing the underside of the upper cabinets. You will end up hitting your head on the door you left open to dry.
6. Lock up all animals. They will step in you paint tray and make a mess. If you put up a gate that will only stop the dog. Your ever so graceful cats will jump it, and somehow trip at the top (even though you have used this gate for over a year) and fall into the cabinet you just painted.
7. Again lock up all animals. The cats will think that since you are on the floor that you want to pet them. If you continue to ignore them they will rub up again the cabinet you just painted and start to look like that cat from pepe le pu.
8. Take off the hardware from the cabinets before you start painting. It seems obvious but you forget, then you think "hey if I am careful it will be ok" It will never be ok
9. Never drink while painting. You can always tell where you started drinking and at what point when you had too much.
10. If you ignore lessons 1 thru 8 go ahead and ignore 9 so you don't care at the end.
11. Have your husband do it. That's why you got married. And while he learns lessons 1-9 you can just go ahead to lesson 10.
Thursday, June 2, 2011
I shall call him squishy and he shall be mine
My high school reunion is around the corner and it has me looking at me. Oh not my life, personality or where I am at in life, I mean it has me looking at the mirror and asking WTF happened!!!! I know I remember a time when my stomach was small and didn't look like a road map of New York City. Ahh I remember the first time I went shopping after Ari. It ended with me locked in a dressing room of Christopher Banks sobbing my eyes out because the only clothes that fit me were "old lady" clothes (I am sorry to anyone I may offend who shops there. It was the hormones talking) This happened after I went to J.C. Pennys and tried on a shirt from the junior section. (I had always shopped in the juniors section) After doing a dance in the dressing room that probably looked like I was having a seizure I asked Michael what he thought. You know what that man said??? No...not just no but no, you are too old for it. Too old. I was 25 bloody years old. It my anger I marched my self to Christopher Banks and tried on clothes. The fact that they didn't require the seizure dance to put on made me realize that Michael was right. Thus, the mental breakdown with the poor saleslady trying her best to calm me down. So now, a little over 3 months since I have had to have Kira, I am no where close to my weight lose goals. And will I ever be? I don't have the discipline to go on a diet. I love food way to much and of course, I love my wine and beer. Though I do try to eat somewhat healthy. And nor do I ever plan on being a person who lives at the gym. Though for the next 2 weeks I do plan on going everyday. So I think my new goal will be just loving me. That as long as I have energy to keep up with Ari and Kira I think I will be fine. And I will just have to accept that parts of me are just...well, squishy.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Memorial Day
Today is Memorial Day. The last time I went to a cemetery on Memorial Day was the Memorial Day after my mom died. We went because they always say the names of all the veterans who had passed in the last year. I remember sitting there, listening to list of names being said. I was 12 at this point and I remember even on that warm May day, I felt cold. I looked around the cemetery that I had been to so many times before and I knew now what all it meant. The years before my Mor Mor and my mom had always taken me to visit Mor Far’s grave and an older sister I had who died as a baby. In those years prior, I had always played on the gravestones. 3 in particular were my favorite. They were the kind that were completely cement, no dirt. I would jump from one to the other till Mor Mor told me to stop and have respect for the dead. I didn’t know what she meant. I don’t think I fully understood what “dead” meant and that people could be dead.
But on that Memorial day, waiting for my mom’s name to be said, there was no jumping from grave to grave, in fact I was very careful of where I walked. In the last year I had lost my dad, my mom, and mor mor, and the dirt on their graves were still fresh. I now knew what was under my feet. Under my feet were people that had once been loved and been full of life. That was 16 years ago and I have never been back on a Memorial Day. I have been to the graves countless times but due to where I live and I have never been close enough to make the trip. But now I am visiting for my nieces graduation and I am faced with going, and not only going, but I have both girls with me also. I have never taken them before. No specific reason but now that I have the option I don’t know if I want to. Is a cemetery a place for a 3 year old? She really won’t understand, and I pray that she will never understand until she is much, much older. But then again, there must always be a first.
I decide that yes, I will go. And I will take both girls. And you know what? It worked. Yes she didn’t understand and yes I had to get after to not to pick the flowers off of other graves but we had fun. We picked the spare flowers that had blown away and even a couple real flowers. And to top things off, she jumped from grave to grave on the 3, just like another little girl did not so many years ago.
But on that Memorial day, waiting for my mom’s name to be said, there was no jumping from grave to grave, in fact I was very careful of where I walked. In the last year I had lost my dad, my mom, and mor mor, and the dirt on their graves were still fresh. I now knew what was under my feet. Under my feet were people that had once been loved and been full of life. That was 16 years ago and I have never been back on a Memorial Day. I have been to the graves countless times but due to where I live and I have never been close enough to make the trip. But now I am visiting for my nieces graduation and I am faced with going, and not only going, but I have both girls with me also. I have never taken them before. No specific reason but now that I have the option I don’t know if I want to. Is a cemetery a place for a 3 year old? She really won’t understand, and I pray that she will never understand until she is much, much older. But then again, there must always be a first.
I decide that yes, I will go. And I will take both girls. And you know what? It worked. Yes she didn’t understand and yes I had to get after to not to pick the flowers off of other graves but we had fun. We picked the spare flowers that had blown away and even a couple real flowers. And to top things off, she jumped from grave to grave on the 3, just like another little girl did not so many years ago.
Saturday, May 28, 2011
The radar
Children have a special sort of radar to know the exact moment to make your life that much harder. This is scientifically proven. Here are the 5 examples of this
1. When you run into the store and don't bring the diaper bag because you are only grabbing one thing. This is when your little sweety will have such a massive poop that covers their back, legs, and the shopping cart they were in.
2. When you get all dressed up in some fancy clothes they will throw up on you (or pee, or poop. Remember your 3 P's) I have learned to put on all nice clothes at the last possible second, AFTER I have kissed my kids goodbye.
3. They get sick/hurt on the weekend. You are left with 2 choices: take them in for a huge ER bill or spend the whole weekend telling yourself that the giant lump protruding from your child's arm is not bone, it's suppose to look like that.
4. The moment you have had your glass of wine, your husband is snuggled in close to you and leans in for a kiss, one of them will wake up crying...or both.
5. They know when you are too tired to care. Be it you are pregnant, sick, or just plain exhausted they know. And they will take full advantage of this. This is when they will do everything just short of murder and you are just so tired you let them as long as they are leaving you alone. Heck sometime you just start chucking candy at them just so they will leave you alone and be quiet for awhile.
1. When you run into the store and don't bring the diaper bag because you are only grabbing one thing. This is when your little sweety will have such a massive poop that covers their back, legs, and the shopping cart they were in.
2. When you get all dressed up in some fancy clothes they will throw up on you (or pee, or poop. Remember your 3 P's) I have learned to put on all nice clothes at the last possible second, AFTER I have kissed my kids goodbye.
3. They get sick/hurt on the weekend. You are left with 2 choices: take them in for a huge ER bill or spend the whole weekend telling yourself that the giant lump protruding from your child's arm is not bone, it's suppose to look like that.
4. The moment you have had your glass of wine, your husband is snuggled in close to you and leans in for a kiss, one of them will wake up crying...or both.
5. They know when you are too tired to care. Be it you are pregnant, sick, or just plain exhausted they know. And they will take full advantage of this. This is when they will do everything just short of murder and you are just so tired you let them as long as they are leaving you alone. Heck sometime you just start chucking candy at them just so they will leave you alone and be quiet for awhile.
The 3 P's of motherhood
So I had someone message me about my blog. She said she got the feeling that I was feeling my life was unremarkable. She was right. I do feel like that. And before all you stay at home moms get in a huff know this, I know we have one of the most important jobs in the world. We are raising up the next generation of this country and how we raise them is going to make a world of difference but in the here and now, when I have been peed on so many times today that I have lost count, I feel trapped. I love my girls. I would die for them and I would kill for them. There are moments when I am watching them that I think my heart just might break if I loved them anymore. But there are days in which I wish I wasn't a mom. That I had my carefree life again. When I thought what my future would hold when I was in high school or even my early 20s it did not involve pee, poop, or puke. Well...maybe the puke, but that would have been because I had one too many beers in Germany or a bad bottle of wine in France. Not because everyone in my house has the stomach flu and they want me to hold them while they are sick. Now I don't want a million responses about how I should love being a stay at home mom and that this is part of the sacrifice for the future and the love your children give you makes everything worth it and...you get the point. I think all moms would be lying if they said they had NEVER thought about what their life would be like without their kids. We just learn to cope. Some cook, some drink, some write and for people like me, I drink and write. Now if you will excuse me, my wine glass is empty and I have to go wash some diapers :)
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Is this thing on?
So I am stepping away from my other blog for a moment. Well, I guess it's been a year since I have posted there so I have ALREADY stepped away. But I do plan on going back to that but I want to keep that flowing so I will add to here instead. For those who don't know I love to write. I am not a great writer nor an elegant one. Heck, I sometimes end up using different words because I can't spell others. But ever since I first read "A Wrinkle in Time" I have always imagined that I would someday write books like that. That someday, another little girl would be huddled in her room, drinking in a wonderful fantasy world that I had created. Oh how I had my life planned out. I would own a modest manor house Scotland, set next to a tranquil lake and a small woods. It would be there I would write these wonderful novels, surrounded by this peaceful yet magical land. I would never be married (though I would have lovers) and would never have children. I wanted to be free to do what I wanted. Fast forward 10 years and I still live in KS in a 3 bedroom rented house, married and a stay at home mom to 2 girls. Never went to college, never seen the ocean, and never have traveled outside the U.S.A. But despite all of this I still love to write. And because of all of this I think I have to write. 3 and half years later I am still trying to come to terms I am a stay at home mom. That all of my dreams have been put on hold and that I don't know if I will ever be able to dig them out again. So I am doing this blog. It will be what I am going through. I don't know exactly what I will write and I doubt it will ever have a theme or a flow. And it may never, ever be read. But I can sit here, watching Ari play and pretend, for a moment, that I don't have spit up on my shirt and that I am the funny, witty, sophisticated woman that I have always wanted to be.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)