Who I am today

This isn't one of my funny blog post today. This one is serious. I have been holding off in writing it till I thought it would be a good time, but there is never a good time. I have a secret. A secret that I am scared is going to cause me lose so many people that I love and care about. But I know some of my post have been seen and I think it only fair you hear it from me. I don't believe in God. It's plain and simple. I have spent 28 years praying, worshiping, and serving a God that doesn't seem to exist. And when I decided to really get down and read the bible, it just seemed to convince me more that there can't be a God. What caused me down this road? A lot of things. But a big one is my relationship with Michael. I guess that is another secret. Michael and I are technically separated, though we still live together. The only reason we aren't divorced is our financial situation, my work schedule, and the girls. For years I have been the good Christian housewife and mother. And what did it get it me? Nothing, except an empty relationship with a man who doesn't truly care about me. So where do we go from here? I have no freakin clue truthfully. I love each and one of you on my FB. But, I know how deep some of your beliefs are. And I am afraid some of you won't want to accept me or love me the same. And that terrifies and scares me, but at the same time, I can't deny how I feel or believe. So I will have to wait and see how you all react. I do ask that this not become a flame or hate war. I will understand if you unfriend me. I do believe that people should be able to believe what they want, even if I don't agree with you. You are all my friends, and I hope that our friendships will survive this. Thank you for listening to me.

How motherhood has changed me.

I have never been much of a Susie homemaker kinda girl. Instead of an easy bake oven as a little girl, I had Dinosaur Mountain. My idea of gourmet cooking while single was hamburger helper. After I got together with Michael, our 2nd Christmas together HE got the really fancy pots and pan set and I got a Craftsman toolkit. But motherhood has changed this.

1. I actually want to go to a kitchen gadget store AND I know what most of the things do. Before I just assumed everything was torture devices you used on your husband when he pissed you off while cooking.

2. I have a wish list of kitchen items including but not limited to muffin tin set (yes, I need more than one), some sort of carrier for my cake and cup cakes, and different containers the different flours that I use. I think the fact I have different flours makes me cry the most.

3.I make things from scratch. And I mean from scratch. Pumpkin pies with fresh pumpkin, real sweet potato casserole. Hell,I even bake my own bread. And if anyone ever tells me you can't tell the difference, or worse, says store bought is better, remember, I am now very talented with large kitchen knives.

4. I used to have to call Michael at work if I was (attempting) to cook because I had no freakin clue where anything was. Now, not only do I know where everything is, I become very pissy when I go to reach for things and they are not where they should be. I guess I should tell him to read the last sentence of number 3 next time he puts something away wrong.

5. I don't use recipes anymore. I now look at a recipe, decide I don't agree with most of the ingredients, and make it my own way. Because, when you rock the kitchen like this mom does, you don't need a recipe.