When most people think about people going off and finding themselves they usually think of people going to some spiritual retreat or far off island. I, on the other hand, go back to the town I spent 18 years in and had sworn I was never going back to. Yes, I found myself in Salina. (When I told my sister I had rediscovered who I am, she promptly said in disbelief "In Salina?")Many of you have been reading my post know that I have been working through some issues. Most of them relating to mommyhood and wifedom (I just created words) But this weekend, between way too much beer, good coffee and some good friend advice, I found some valuable truths about myself that I had forgotten.
The fist truth is the biggest. Though I will always be a mother and a wife, those two things do not define who I am. Don't get me wrong, they play a huge part of my life, but they should never define my life. My worth and who I am does not come from either.
The second truth is going to cause a lot of controversy and I really don't care if people agree with me or not. It's that the church has done me and many woman like me, a huge injustice. Painting the picture of the good wife and mother as a humble, quiet woman. Never pushing her husband too far, and to be patient and always forgiving. That I should be self sacrificing and in this way I am serving my husband and serving the lord. This is a bunch of BS by the way. I will get to that in a minute.
The third and final truth I learned is just remembering who I am at all times. The woman that my husband fell in love with was a passionate woman who faced any challenge head on. She breezed by him when he was collecting cover at a local music hang out like she owned the place. Didn't even give him a second look. After a minute of being bored I walked to the back to go find my brother in law (who did partially own it) When my husband finally got the nerve to talk to me, we stayed up all night talking but was still to shy to ask me out. Over the next 3 days, to get my point I liked him, I made him clean dirt off my pants after I sat down, (this required him touching my butt) and purposely made him put his arm around me because I was "cold"
I am not humble or quiet. I brag about what I am good at. When I speak, I am listened too. And if you ignore me, I will get your attention. When I walk into a room, I expect to be looked at and noticed. My word in my home is law and will not be argued with. I am passionate about what I love and I face my fears. I am terrified of heights but have gone repelling off giant towers. I hate needles but have gotten a tattoo. I love thunderstorms and dancing in the rain. I love adventure and the unknown. I am spontaneous, carefree, and disorganized. I lose track of time and will always put talking with friends over everything else. I don't have many friends, but the ones I have I love with all my heart and will fight for them and with them. But most of all, I am passionate about my family. My kids and my husband. I will fight for both. I will not stand by as things and this world try to take that away from me.
So where does this leave me, well for one I am buying my first pair of shorts (ok skort) in the first time in years. The world is going to see my legs and you all just better deal with it. (And you will like it too) I got a whole bunch of books and I am not going to let some 18 year old boy beat me at my own video game :) And, last but not least, I am going to take up guitar.
